The Real World: Sonic
by Ready-Liver
Summary: In a mansion where everyone hates Sonic, some for reasons he doesn't know, Sonic must survive for 1,000,000 dollars. Chap 4 update: Donald Trump has a real interesting story for Sonic and the group. R
1. Going to the Mansion

**_The Real World: Sonic_**

_Chapter 1: Going to the Mansion  
_

10 people will compete inside one mansion for $1,000,000. Who will come out as the person with all the money? Will it be Sonic? The world's fastest hedgehog. Shadow? The world's fastest murderous hedgehog. Knuckles? The world's strongest echidna. Amy? The worlds most annoying hedgehog. Rouge? The world's hardest kicking bat, not to mention her big… Eggman? The world's smartest genius. Dark Chao? The world's most unlikely choice. Metal Sonic? The World's biggest replica of Sonic with a murderous style. Tails? The world's smartest fox who needs plastic surgery on those messed up tails of his. Or Santa Claus? Who for some reason is here yet no one knows.

* * *

Sonic got his bags up from his apartment and walked towards the door to get in the limo. When he arrived at the mansion he opened the doors with a big smile but then that dropped when he saw who was here, "Oh shit!" He said, dropping his mouth.

* * *

AN: it'll get better I promise, this is just the beginning  



	2. Meeting the Owner of the Mansion

_Chapter 2: Meeting the Owner of the Mansion_

A man walked down some 2,000 stepped spiraling stair case, "Today," He started, "You will be put into different teams. Nope this won't be like your regular real world you watch on T.V. Now let's see, how can we divide ten equally? We can't so we'll have three groups of three groups of three and one of one." The man said in a gay voice.

"What the fuck?" Sonic asked, "Are you stupid or something, do the math! We could have five groups of two. Or two groups of four, and a group of two, or-"

"Are you going against my super natural powers of math?" The gay man asked, still walking down the steps.

"More like gay powers…" Sonic responded mumbling.

"Since you go against my sexy intelligence you'll be on the team of one. I want to see you in my office after this."

"So what exactly is your name?" Knuckles asked.

"I thought you'd never ask." The queer replied, jumping off the rest of the stair with a bath towel covering him, "It's Pablo!" He removed the towel and he was a short Mexican with a G-String.

"Oh god!" The crowd said covering their eyes and looking away, except for Shadow.

"I've seen worse. Now Gerald Robotnik was bad." Shadow inferred.

"Oh, the girls can look away but the guys are missing out on extreme sexiness." Pablo said turning around and showing the pimply, skin peeling, hairy, backside of him, "Look at the sexy crease it makes in my buttocks!"

Shadow turned away then, "Oh god, that ass has to be covered in at least 20,000 pimples!"

Pablo covered himself with his bath towel again, "Ok, the sexiness is over you can turn around now." Pablo assured, "Now, that pink hedgehog, that bat, and Santa Clause go together in a group."

_He's probably trying to make a gay porn movie or something,_ Thought Knuckles.

"Now I don't want Geezers in my movie so I put Santa in with the girls…" Pablo instated.

"Now I've got my ho ho hoes!" Santa added putting his arms around Amy and Rouge.

"Hands off fat ass!" Rouge says kicking Santa in the balls. Amy takes here hammer out and whacks him in the balls as well, "Oi! I think I'm missing a testacle…" Santa said grabbing his balls.

"The third group will be Knuckles, Tails, and the Dark Chao." Said Pablo, "Ooh, I'm soooo naughty! Dark Chao turn me on."

"I am not going to be in one of you fag porn movies!" Knuckles exclaimed.

"Do you want the million dollars?" Asked Pablo.

"I guess." Knuckles complied.

"Then you're going to star in the movie."

"Well I'm not staring in any porn video!" Tails stated.

"Then I'm going to have to take you out." Pablo clapped his hand and three short guys with green puffy hair, tan skin, and crouch less chaps came in, "Queerpa Lumpas."

The three Queerpa Lumpas started savagely raping Tails to the end of the Mansion, "Queerpa Lumpa, Queerpady do!" All three sang.

"What do you get when your not a fag too?" The first Queerpa Lumpa asked in a singing tone.

"Savagely butt raped out of," The second one started.

"The mansion where you'll be sexually harassed for the rest of your life." The third said, humping Tails so hard that the fox went flying out the mansion.

"Anyone else not want to star in a movie?" Pablo asked.

"Yeah!" A voice yelled from atop, in a Cuban gangster voice, "Me! What the fuck do you think you're doing fucking up all my guest literally Pablo? Well I got a little something to say to you! Say hello to my little friend?"

"Oh Tony," Pablo said giggling.

From the top of the stairs a grenade came flying down blowing up with impact on Pablo's head. Everyone looked at the real owner in fear.

"I'm the real bad guy! You'll never see another one like me again!" Tony stated, "My name is Tony Montana!"

"Hey I'm the real bad guy?" Eggman contradicted.

"So you want some too?" Tony asked firing another grenade.

Eggman stepped out of the way and instead of hitting the genius, the grenade hit the dark Chao turning him into tiny little guts.

"Don't mess with me!" Tony yelled to them.

"Alright, alright." Eggman answered, "Now I sort of like Pablo better."

"He would have had you in a video called organics with metal probably." Sonic stated.

And from outside the mansion Tails stated, "And we all could of done it together!"

"You're right!" Eggman agreed.

"Are you still alive out there little bastard? I'll teach you not to leave or die after being ass raped by Queerpa Lumpas!"

Tony fired a grenade out a near by window and then blew up Tails.

"This is going to be one hell of a month." Metal Sonic stated backing further away from Tony.


	3. The First Task

**_Chapter 3: The First Task_**

Last night was horrible for everyone's sleep. They had Pablo's pimply ass in nightmares and were still reflecting on what Sonic had said, "He would have had you in a video called organics with metal probably."

They woke drowsy and hazy eyed. Their eyes dropped and then gun bullets lined them up in awake positions with bulging blood shot eyes of tiredness. Tony lined them up to make sure they were in perfect position.

"Alright, get used to this because this is my fucking house!" He dropped his gun which was now out of ammunition and grabbed a shot gun. He cocked it and aimed it at Knuckles. When he fired Knuckles dodged and cowered in fear, "Good. You're awake."

Tony pasted himself as he walked up and down the rows. He put his gun down and then lit a cigar, Cuban cigar at that, and murmured some words out, "You'd better get to the board room. If you ask where it is I'll blow your head off and tell the others where it is. If your last there I'll blow your head off."

Everyone stared blankly at Tony, "Get going you lazy **BASTARDS!**"

Everyone ran off. Unfortunately for Sonic, Shadow had anticipated something like this and dosed him with a small bit of tranquilizer. Shadow also boosted his speed with some performance enhancers he got from Knuckles who boosted his power. Shadow zoomed around the house dozens of times and was the first to the board room.

Eggman sat alone with a calculator trying to calculate how many foot steps it would exactly take to get to the board room with killing Sonic. He would be stuck there for hours, but Sonic wasn't going anywhere.

Knuckles started busting walls over but then he got the evil look from Tony who cocked his gun. Knuckles stopped at a certain room that Tony specifically guarded, "_Wonder what's inside…_" Knuckles though, "_But no time, got to keep moving._"

Luckily they had been able to stitch up the Dark Chao and he looked like a defective zombie that would come from a bad horror movie. He flew across the house finding the boardroom second seeing as he didn't understand half the English language and so he had probably the only good sleep. When the Dark Chao arrived, Shadow was shaking and smoking something with a different odor then a normal cigarette or cigar.

"Wow… This is good." Shadow said holding his hand to the Chao, "Wanna try it?"

The Dark Chao took a real quick puff and then said, "Chaooooo…" With half closed eyes and a buzzed look, because he had a buzz.

Amy got trapped in a maze somewhere where she had to dodge lasers. It said on the box, _Replica of Resident Evil Laser Trap_. She dodged all the lasers and then waffle shaped ones came flying at her. She looked around to see if she could dodge but there was no room. She had mere seconds but then noticed a plug. She dove for it and pulled it out getting her nail broken in the process, "Oww! My nail is broke!" She whined, sitting on the floor.

Rouge started off. Acting stealthy she made it to the board room with ease and then grabbed the bong from Shadow, "What's this?" she asked.

"Try it." Shadow persuaded.

"Chaooooooooo…." The Chao said, in it's low restricted vocabulary.

"Oh my god, you got the Chao stoned!" Rouge exclaimed.

Shadow jumped forward and stuck it in Rouge's mouth. She took a huff, and then puffed and her eyes half shut, "Wow this is good." She agreed.

Eggman still calculated, Knuckles worried about Tony shooting him for busting walls, Amy still whined on the floor about the nail, and Sonic moved real slowly across the room up the 2,000 step spiraling staircase. Who would be last? That would be hard to determine although without Knuckles punching everything in sight one thing was for sure. The whole mansion wasn't going to fall apart.

Amy finally got up under the influence of being with Sonic, "I've got to be strong." She said to her self, "I've got to get some chains, a whip, some toys, and-" She ended herself noticing the narrorater narrorate everything she said. She soon too arrived to the board room but didn't see Sonic. In desperation in making the **pain** go away she took the marijuana from the trio.

The one question remained. What happened to Santa Clause? Well to tell you the truth he was looking at porn on a computer in his room the whole time. He saw a couple images and said, "Nice, nice, nice, nice, ooh NAUGHTY!"

Eggman had finally calculated that in order to go around the house and kill Sonic he'd have to take a number of steps without a word. He then started on the quickest route…

Sonic slowly made his way to the top level where Knuckles closed in behind him. Sonic turned around and slowly put his hands up yelling, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" In a slow motion tone as Knuckles ran at him.

"Move Sonic!" Knuckles yelled slowing down to what would be a collision in ten minutes.

Santa could hear Tony's footsteps as he walked up near Santa's room. He was the only one who hadn't reported to breakfast. Santa quickly put it onto his email address and showed his 'other' naughty and nice list that wasn't pornographic. He used his magic and transported himself to the board room.

"Free marijuana for everyone!" He exclaimed creating a stash for everyone. They all bulged eyes and started up on their bongs.

Eggman sat calculating the quickest route. He finally calculated that the quickest route to get to the board room and kill Sonic was to follow Sonic to the board room and kill him there. He had lost sight of the super slow hedgehog though. Eggman started wondering aimlessly around the mansion for Sonic and not the board room which he passed five times.

The ten minutes had passed and Knuckles hit Sonic sending him across the house and skidding near the board room.

"No! 'm going to make it into the board room before Sonic!" Knuckles shouted as he rushed over and jumped over the hedgehog, "Free bongs?" He asked looking at everyone.

"Marry fucking Christmas!" Santa said high as he made a stash for Knuckles.

Eggman finally came to the board room where he saw Sonic on the ground. He had a nifty little laser gun that he aimed at the hedgehog and said, "Say good night hedgehog!"

Sonic stretched as far as he could to get to the board room and then as his hand entered Eggman powered up his beam. He was interrupted though by some gun shots through the chest and then he fell dead, "That's what you get when your last!" Tony said spitting on him.

Santa created a stash for Sonic and then he got his bong and started getting high. Tony looked at them all in disgust, because they hadn't offered him any. Santa looked at him oddly and then created a pile of crack for him, "There happy?"

"Yes, now wait for the damn person who supports this mansion." Tony said cocking his gun again and aiming at anyone who moved their legs…


	4. The Legend of Trump

**_The Legend of Trump_**

Hours had passed and then the sound of a car pulling up. Knuckles quickly turned to look outside, his leg moved a bit. Tony fired his gun and blood started running from Knuckles's calf.

"Ah!" Knuckles gripped the bloody ligament, "What the hell was that for!"

"You moved, you bastard!" Tony answered, with a result from his crack, "You could have been trying to leave the mansion through that window."

"What window!" Knuckles asked waving his lose hand around, "There aren't any windows in this room!"

"You could have run at sonic speeds out of this room… You're the fast one right?" Tony asked.

"No, only me and Shadow can run fast." Sonic says, laughing at the injured echidna.

"I knew all those things…" Tony says, sniffing some remaining crack from his shirt.

Knuckles still grips his leg and then his inner-self starts to contact him. It roars like a beast as the pain flows and then starts talking to him.

"_Knuckles_…"

"Huh?" Knuckles says aloud, "I must have had way too much crack…"

Down stairs a door opens and huge swords cling around. They walk upward and everyone starts to cower in fear, even Tony. They jump behind desk not knowing what it is. Mr. Montana knew exactly what was about to happen. A man with a really bad haircut came in the area; he had on a business suit and a long sword along with a shield. He wore a nice green cap.

Next to this man was his fairy that wore a business suit, Carolyn Kepcher. She guided the man and his decisions. On this mans other side was his guardian, George Ross. He as well wore a business suit. He was old yet wielded a 500lb sword that sent chills through anyone who looked at it. This man was the one and only Donald Trump.

"You can all get up now. Your first task is resisting the sight of my hair."

Everyone looked up and started to twitch their eyes. Donald set a brief case down, "Now I own this mansion in my Trump organization, at my Trump tower, in New York or my future Trump city. Now as you see I have Trump dollars that you will be using for now on. Now your second task is to be able to do the third task which is to listen to me while I ramble on about the fourth task which will lead up to the fifth task. Do you understand?" Trump asked through all his bragging.

Everyone nodded too afraid to say no. Trump then said some more crap, "Now since you've all survived your first task you now get your reward which is to listen to me, Trump, ramble on about pointless things anybody could tell you and things that have nothing to do with my success." Trump then said the beginning, "My success all began when I was out in Hyrule…"

** POV of Donald Trump**

_Everyone had made fun of me. I was the only one without a fairy. I had food thrown at me until one day I was given a challenge by a talking tree. He said that if I could eight badges and beat a group of four elites called the elite four then I could have a fairy. He also said I had to beat a lizard in space. After beating the lizard he told be where the gym leader with all the badges, Chuck Norris at his Total Gym. I attacked him with numbers and business scenarios but being the god he was he simply arranged the things so he was always right. I had been round housed in the face fifty times before I finally got back up. I was too persistent so Chuck Norris ended the match quickly. He knew I was poor so he offered me one million dollars and then said to me, "Deal or no deal?" I accepted knowing now I could buy a fairy that would do all my stock work and all my business work. The fairy turned out to be Carolyn, one of my most prized possessions. I returned in glee and finally rich beyond my mind. That's how I became superbly rich…_

"Wait. You didn't fight a big lizard in space, that was Shadow and I." Sonic said breaking the silence.

"That's not what this game said." Trump pulled a case out titled, Trump Adventure 2, Sonic looked in awe, "See."

"That's copyright of Sonic Team and SEGA." Shadow interrupted.

"Chuck Norris has defied that law. He has rearranged everything in the game for me."

AN- I'll end this very short chapter inside Knuckles's head.

"_Knuckles you must be the only one_ _to win this competition. Trump said his fairy helped him with everything, steal her, rape her, and then use her to win everything in this competition, even Tony's respect._"

Knuckles looked around oddly, "Yes my master…"

"_Now go Lord Vader, or Darth Knuckles, or something Star Warsy…_"

AN- That's the end of this chapter R&R.


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